The Life of the Party

Take four steps to become an effective listener and better conversationalist.

Good conversation is one of the most delicious parts of a good meal. Want to have great conversations? Learn to become a better listener.

In today’s world, communication is more important than ever—but we spend less and less time listening to one other. Listening is powerful. It saves marriages and money and prevents mistakes and misunderstandings. (Experts say you should listen twice as much as you speak!)

But it’s hard to listen to people today. We record everything, so we’re not building listening skills—plus we are overloaded with all the noise out there. And we are trained to want the sound bites of wisdom, which has weakened our listening muscles.

Learn how to deeply engage with people so they feel understood

The good news? There is no such thing as a good or bad listener. There’s only a trained listener or an untrained listener.

Listen with more than your ears

Most of our communication comes from our bodies. Learning body language cues will help you gain context for the conversation. Listen to what the speaker is saying as well as how they’re saying it and how they’re using their body.

Is the speaker moving closer or moving away? Are they relaxed or standing with stiff, crossed limbs? Are they looking away or looking at you? Are they smiling and touching their face? Are their feet pointed toward you or toward an exit?

Keep in mind that you can’t interpret body language perfectly. Someone’s arms could be crossed because they’re closed off or because they’re covering a stain on their shirt.

To improve your observation skills, listen to my podcast “Kwik Brain 002:Improve Your Memory Now.”

Maintain good ear health

Keep your tools sharp. You need your ears to listen.

H.E.A.R.

Now, here are four tips to becoming a better listener and a better conversationalist, just in time for the holiday season. They are easy to remember because they spell out “hear.”

H is for Halt.

E is for Empathy.

A is for Anticipate.

You should also use anticipation as a strategy.

R is for Review.

Review these strategies in the following episodes of my podcast, “Kwik Brain:”

Kwik Brain 005: My 10 Favorite Brain Foods

Kwik Brain 011: How to Memorize & Give a Speech (Without Notes!)

Kwik Brain 013: How to Take Notes for Rapid Recall

Kwik Brain 021: How to Listen With Your Whole Brain

Want to be notified when I release new episodes? Subscribe on iTunes or join our private #KwikBrain community.

Photography: Courtesy Jim Kwik; David Pereiras, Adobe Stock