Friends and Money

Choose your words for a positive outcome.

Money dilemmas sometimes produce awkwardness and discomfort in relationships. In my work as a success coach and CPA, I hear about all kinds of situations that can either create walls between people or opportunities for us to thrive financially.

We all have patterns and beliefs around money. When our set of money beliefs and patterns mingles with another person’s, there is potential for conflict and difficulty. However, relationships also offer opportunities for us to try on new money beliefs and to grow our sense of prosperity. Here are a few tips for navigating money and relationships in a healthy, positive way.

01 Building Trust

We need to feel safe, encouraged and empowered in order to create an environment where abundance thrives.

One simple, yet powerful way to achieve this is to share your “money secrets” with someone. What do I mean? Secrets such as the amount of debt you have and the feelings of possible shame and helplessness that may go along with it. Maybe it’s your overspending habit or denial about the dreaded “bill pile.” Come clean with one of these money secrets, and watch your world transform. A friend, spouse, relative or your coach will do. Choose someone who you know will be supportive, and be clear as you make the request: “I’d like you to just listen, with no judgment or advice.”

Feel yourself lose about 10 pounds of heaviness when you share this secret with someone who will meet it with a warm heart and encouragement. We all need to feel forgiven about one money secret or money mistake. Then, offer to be that person for whomever you chose in return.

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Money is a great training ground for expanding possibilities.

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02 Establishing Boundaries

Relationships give us an opportunity to learn how to say “yes” with enthusiasm or “no” with kindness. Anytime that a friend or loved one makes an invitation or proposal involving money, you have an opportunity to create a healthy boundary. Make it a practice to be clear about money, even when it is uncomfortable.

For example, when going out with colleagues, establish at the beginning of the evening how the bill will be handled. If you are invited to something that is outside of your comfortable price range, speak your truth without shame or embarrassment, and feel proud of managing your finances responsibly. If someone asks to borrow money, be very clear about your decision and its potential repercussions. The key to boundaries is clarity, and the clarity that you create in your relationships with other people will be mirrored in the clarity you make in all your financial decisions.

03 Expanding Possibilities

Sometimes our relationships with people have expectations attached to them. When we realize that this person can’t come through in the way we expected, the great news is that this forces us to look for possibilities in other ways. Money is a great training ground for expanding possibilities, a practice which can spill over into your whole life. Try this new belief on for size: “There are literally hundreds of portals of possibility for money to flow to me.” Close your eyes and imagine this…hundreds of ways for money to find you.

Now, consider that one person who just said, “No, I can’t help,” or “No, I don’t have the money to chip in for that,” or “No, I’m not interested in your service.” Suddenly, it’s no big deal because you’re not thinking “OMG, you were my only hope!” Not anymore. Now, you have a new belief that you are nurturing that expands the portals of possibility. This allows you to smile and move on. Creating abundance is the practice of seeing new possibilities, and our relationships and interactions with others can help us do that.

Oftentimes, we have very different values and desires about money than our significant other. One quick way to balance this out is to find at least one money goal that you share and can get excited about together. It builds a bond between you, and even though you may disagree about other money values, you’ll have this one common goal that can feel amazing as you complete it together. This is great practice for getting excited about money goals in general. Our experiences of abundance are directly related to our excitement and enthusiasm, so getting excited about a financial goal with another person can increase your experiences of getting excited about your own personal goals.

Choose one of these experiments each week, and watch your abundance grow this month! Before long, you’ll be known in your circles as the person with “that money savvy” that everyone admires and respects.